The great cake heist
by Ulathon
Summary: Well, it was like this: First the O'Reilly Gang needed a birthday cake, and Harvey McKenzie wanted to get his own back on the KND for demoting him. Then two small Ice Cream Men did some work on a truck, and a flagpole was stolen. Then the Delightful Children's cake disappeared. Then Harvey cheated the Gang, and he REALLY shouldn't have done that, because... Well, read and find out
1. Chapter 1

_This story is a bit of an experiment. English is not my first language and I have never lived in the US of A, so I wanted to see if I could write a readable story based on what I had learned from my long and fond relation with literature, cartoons, movies and the Internet. So if something does not ring true, feel free to point it out._

_I was partly inspired by a long-running and very popular Scandinavian film series about three bumbling criminals and their insanely complicated heists._

_(which I of course does not own any part of. Neither do I own any part of the Kids Next Door)_

_That out of the way - read on and meet the gang._

**-Chapter 1-**

The late afternoon summer sun was baking down on the school and spread a golden shine over the decrepit buildings. Occasionally a small gate in the grey concrete wall of the forbidding Detention Wing would open to let out a delinquent, and the poor kid would either run away, determined to get as much as possible out of the remaining hours of the afternoon, or slouch out, slowly, guiltily; a broken husk of his or her childish self, crushed under lead-heavy thoughts of parental disapproval. But apart from them, since no kid wanted to hang out at school more than absolutely necessary, the schoolyard was empty.

Almost.

Barry Flanagan, a tall, brown-haired 5th grader was idly playing a game of hoops with himself in the middle of the schoolyard. He had tied his jacket casually around his neck and managed to look rather elegant in spite of his worn blue jeans and green t-shirt. Only the screwdriver sticking out of his back pocket revealed him as the committed tech nerd he was. He was particularly fond of using his skills on gumball machines, snack dispensers, fake movie theater ticket printers, pocket-sized veggie disposal units, illegal soda making equipment and other kinds of stuff that could make life a whole lot better for a boy and his friends as long as nobody finds out.

A few feet away his classmate and friend, chubby Kyle Johnson, sat on one of the benches, searching through the pockets of his overcoat. Summer and winter, no matter the weather, you never saw Kyle Johnson without his long, worn, slightly overlarge, brownish leather duster, which entirely failed to give him a cool, spaghetti-westernesque look, due to his large horn-rimmed glasses and permanent nervous-apologetic facial expression under the long, shaggy reddish-brown hair. His search had so far come up with a half-empty bottle of water, some spare change, a wrench, a small hacksaw, no less than four pocket knives, a tomato and cheese sandwich, three of Barry's fake movie theater tickets and a Rainbow Monkey Super Safety key ring. The duster coat had surprisingly large pockets in the most unexpected places, and had frequently been the hiding place of many of Barry's more shady contraptions and their products, along with copies of exam papers, answers to test questions and many other things that adult man was not meant to know about.

Kyle finally found what he had been looking for, a large pocket handkerchief. He took off his thick glasses and started to polish them with quick, nervous movements, while squinting towards the Detention Wing. After putting his glasses back on his nose, he looked at Barry and said, in his slightly whiny voice, "Shouldn't he be out by now?"

"Relax, Kyle", Barry said, and threw the ball through the hoop again. "They always let him out at 4.30 on Thursdays." He caught the ball. "Don't worry; he'll be out in no time."

And just as he had finished the sentence, the gate opened again and Egbert O'Reilly walked out of the Detention Wing, head held high and with a spring in his legs. The short, blonde 5th grader in the slightly worn black school uniform stopped briefly just outside the door to straighten his tie, before continuing his stride towards his two friends, who by now were both bobbing up and down and waving energetically at their friend and leader.

An unknowing adult who saw Egbert O'Reillys angelic face and perfectly straight tie could be tempted to pronounce him the epitome of delightfulness. But a more knowing adult, who looked closer and noticed the watchful brown eyes, the mischievous grin and the match in the corner of his mouth, would realize that there was more to this boy than met the eye, and Egbert was indeed a hardened delinquent and a seasoned guest of the Detention Wing. Since his first day at school he had been involved in just about any conceivable scam an enterprising kid could use to brighten up his life; faked notes from home, soda smuggling, illegal candy sales, copy centrals for homework - everything could be found somewhere on Egbert's permanent record. His current string of detentions (two hours every afternoon until October) was a result of getting caught while attempting to break into the school safe and copy the answers to his class' next math test (estimated value: at least 5 pounds of candy in the yard). His punishment probably would not have been so severe, had it not been for the diversion, which involved an exploding coffee machine (Barry's technical skills) and a large piece of Limburger cheese (smuggled in by Kyle) and the fact that he had flat-out refused to name his accomplishes.

"Hi, guys," he greeted Barry and Kyle . "So, what's up?"

"Nothing but the birds, Eggy." Barry joked.

"It sure is good to have you out, Eggy," Kyle said eagerly. "So, you have thought about Sunday, then. About my birthday? You said you could get a cake for us."

"Of course he has," Barry said. "And he has come up with the perfect plan, right Eggy?"

"Well, I have some ideas" Egbert said with a modest smile. He sat down on one of the benches and stretched his legs lazily in front of him.

"See, I told you, Kyle. Eggy's always got a plan. What is it, Eggy? Break-in at the bakery?"

"Think bigger" Egbert said, and allowed his smile to get a little wider.

"I knew it! It's Mrs. Van Dusen's apple pie! The old cookie-sale-at-the-door distraction, in through the window and BAM. Piece of cake."

"Please! I said think bigger, Barry – any kid can pull that old stunt."

"Come on, Eggy, this is important" Kyle said, "We need to get a really good cake."

"Yes, Kyle wants to impress his GIRLFRIEND" Barry said.

"Shut up! She's not my girlfriend!"

"Oh, sure" Barry said airily and continued to mutter "Kyle and Ysande sittin' in a tree …" under his breath.

"Don't worry, Kyle. She is going to be very impressed." Egbert allowed his friends to wiggle a little more on the hook, before breaking the big news. "Do you know who's also going to have a birthday party this Sunday?"

"Of course we do, but what has that got to do with …" Barry broke off and stared thunderstruck at Egbert. "Wait a minute, you can't mean …"

"Oh, yeah!" Egbert nodded, eyes shining. "We are going to steal The Delightful Children From Down The Lanes birthday cake."

"Holy cow!"

"Eggy, we can't! That's too DANGEROUS" Kyle said, his voice breaking a little bit with terror at the very idea. "The Kids Next Door's best operatives fail every time they try – and there are those creepy Delightfuls - and F..F..F..Father …"

"Kyle! It is not going to be dangerous at all," Egbert said "Look over there." He nodded towards the detention wing, where the small gate had swung open again and let out a short boy with dirt-blonde hair and prominent front teeth. The boy ran over to the bicycle rack, grabbed a black BMX bike and started paddling furiously. As he passed them, he acknowledged their presence with a glance and a short, conspiratorial wave, which Egbert returned, then he was out in the street and the gang followed him with their eyes, until he disappeared around a corner.

"You know who that was?" Egbert asked.

"That was Harvey McKenzie, wasn't it?" Kyle said.

"Yeah, it was" Barry said, "Since when have you gotten so chummy with Kids Next Door operatives, Eggy?"

"Oh, Harvey himself is not really chummy with the KND at the moment, Barry," Egbert said.

"We got talking out in the washrooms and it turned out that he was in charge of their last attempt to capture the Delightful Children's cake. He wouldn't say what happened, but apparently he fudged it up so bad that he was demoted and Sonya from 3rd grade took over as the leader of his Sector. He is NOT happy about that. And now he wants to get revenge on the KND bosses and get a big slice of the Delightful Children's cake for himself in the bargain. So we struck a deal, and he told me what he knew."

"At the moment the cake is being baked at the ice cream factory downtown. This Saturday morning a fortified ice cream van with heavy escort will transport the cake from the ice cream factory to the Delightful Mansion, where the Delightful Children from Down the Lane plan to consume it Sunday in a way that will make everybody jealous.

Now, according to Harvey, three Kids Next Door sectors, including his own, are going to ambush the van up in the Heights and capture the cake.

We steal the cake from the van before it reaches the ambush. The Delightful Children and Father will think that the Kids Next Door have taken the cake and the Kids will think that the Ice Cream Truck was just a decoy and that the cake is really somewhere else. Before any of them find out that none of them have the cake, we will already be digesting the evidence."

"That's brilliant, Eggy!" Barry exclaimed, awestruck.

"But … but … " Kyle stuttered. "How are we going to sneak the cake out of a FORTIFIED ice cream truck?"

"Don't worry", Egbert said, "I have a plan. Barry, you can still borrow your dad's welding equipment, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good. We'll also need two fake beards, two dirty overalls, two caps, a dozen helium balloons, a boat and a flagpole. Let's get to work!"


	2. Chapter 2

**-Chapter 2-**

Friday at six o'clock PM, the ice cream factory's garage was a very empty place. The last ice cream mechanic had left for the weekend, and only the guard at the gate remained, to absentmindedly scratch himself and curse the fact that he had drawn the Friday night watch – again.

Well, at least the job was easy enough. Those pesky kids always went straight for the ice cream; they had no interest in the vans, so he was free to indulge in coffee-drinking, popcorn-munching and a little light reading in _House and Gardens_.

"Hey, you? Open the gate!"

The guard almost fell off his chair at the sudden shout. He stared out of the window at the empty yard.

"Down here!" the voice came again.

He opened the little window in his booth and peered down on two short, bearded guys in grease-smeared overalls and red caps. The taller of the two was dragging some welding equipment.

"What do you want?"

"Boss sent us to check the welding on the van they'll use for the cake transport tomorrow," the shorter one said.

"Really? Now?"

"Yeah, stinks doesn't it. But when the boss says "weld" me and my buddy say "how much" and do it. Then we go out for coffee and talk trash about him. Could you open the gate now, so we can get to the last part ASAP?"

"All right, all right, come in." The guard opened the gate and led them into the garage over to a large menacing-looking ice cream van that had been fitted with two extra guard booths on the sides, and one on the roof. "It's that one. I'd hate to be the kid who tries to steal the cake tomorrow." He paused. "Say, aren't you two a little short for mechanics?"

"Well, my wife sure doesn't think so!" the taller of the two said.

"Right, right … well, just check out with me when you're done." The guard went back to his booth, slightly chuckling.

"My wife sure doesn't think so?" Egbert hissed to Barry as soon as the guard was out of earshot.

"Hey, it worked …"

"Just get under there and get to work."

Barry quickly ignited the torch, put on the welding goggles and disappeared under the van.

XXX

The rising Saturday morning sun gleamed in the menacing pincers of the humongous mecha as it came thundering down the street, leaving a trail of broken asphalt an smashed cars in its wake. It stumbled over the curb and came to a halt in the parking lot of the Supervillains Supermarket and Deli with a resounding crash.

Mr. Wink and Mr. Fibb liked to get their shopping done early.

As Mr. Fibb pulled the keys from the ignition Mr. Wink was contemplating the roof of the building.

"Say, Mr. Fibb, I believe there is a flagpole less than usual in front of the supermarket today."

"Indeed there is, Mr. Wink. Obviously some bratty kids have stolen it during the night to use it as a prop in some nefarious scheme."

"Or perhaps it is simply being replaced, Mr. Fibb."

"That is also a possibility. Now, Mr. Wink, I believe there was a discount on dishwasher today…"

XXX

"All right, team" Numbuh 2 said, as he steered the COOLBUS out of the hangar into the clear mid-morning sunshine. "Here's the plan. We land at the designated area in the Heights and meet with the operatives from Sector W and T. Two or three of us go up the road as lookouts and signal back when the van with the cake is coming. Meanwhile the rest of us then set up the CARSNATCHER (Concealed Asphalt Replacing Sooper Net Apprehends Threatening Car Holding Edible Refreshment) to stop the van and then attack and drive the ice cream men away."

"Hey, relax, Numbuh 2", Numbuh 4 drawled. "You've told us the plan three times already."

"Yeah," Numbuh 3 chimed in, "it's not like we haven't done this before, y'know."

Numbuh 2 winced. Truth be told, he had mainly been going over the plan for his own benefit, to calm his nerves. Sure they had done this numerous times before, but this time it was different for him. It was his first mission as Sector Leader.

He had not wanted this. He had always been happiest staying in the background or tinkering with 2x4 gadgets; he had never, ever seen himself as leadership material. But when Numbuh 5 had asked him to take over from her as sector leader, it had simply been impossible for him to say no, given the circumstances.

It had not come as a surprise when Numbuh 362 had announced that she was stepping down as Soopreme Leader, but everybody had been gobsmacked when she revealed that there would be no game of "TAG" to find the new Supreme Leader, because Numbuh 5 had agreed to take over after her. Everybody except him. Abby had come to him the night before and told him that Rachel was going to step down and wanted her as her successor. She had been most un-Abby-like, full of doubts and completely at loss, scared of the responsibility and the enormity of the task, knowing what toll it had taken on 362 and 274 and 100 before them, and not wanting to leave him, Kuki and Wally.

And he had told her the truth: that 362 was right, that she was the best kid for the job, that she was the greatest leader he knew, that she was the only one who would ever be able to fill 362's sneakers and that she would regret it for the rest of her KND-days if she said no.

But he had not told her how much he would miss her.

"Tee-hee, that boat looks funny." Numbuh 3 interrupted his thoughts. She was looking down at something in the canal that ran through the city and once had been a bustling line of transportation, with scores of vessel carrying goods and passengers, but was now only the passageway of one or two prams and tourist boats a day – apart from being an excellent place for boating, swimming and fishing of course.

"Yeah, that's weird," Numbuh 4 agreed. "It's like the mast is way too tall."

Numbuh 2 looked in the ground mirror. That little boat in the canal sure did look funny; with the gihoogily tall mast that looked like someone had crudely tied a flagpole on top of an existing mast.

Why on earth would someone build a boat like that? Any sail that you hung on that mast would immediately capsize the boat – even if you could put a sail on it, which even a casual glance at the rigging showed that you could not. It made no sense.

Oh, well, he would have to let that go. He had other responsibilities now. With a sigh he adjusted the course and headed the COOLBUS towards the Heights.

XXX

The gates to the ice-cream factory slowly opened, and let out the huge, menacing-looking cake transport. The van drove slowly down the road, armed guards in the turrets peering through the slits after any signs of marauding kids.

Johnny the Ice Cream man was in the shotgun seat, jittery as a balloon in a needle factory. He was clutching his rum-raisin bazooka and gave little jolts every time the van shook in an unexpected way.

"Will you relax, Johnny?" said big, black-bearded Jim, who was sitting behind the wheel, looking for all the world as if he was just on his way out on his regular day job, selling ice cream to mature adults and telling snot-nosed kids to get lost. "You'll get an ulcer if you carry on that way"

"How on Earth can you be so calm, Big Jim?" Johnny whined. "We are sitting four feet from the Kids Next Door organization's number one target. They could pounce on us any minute. And if we lose that cake, Father is going to flambé us!"

"What are you, Johnny, an adult or a mouse?" Big Jim slowed down for a red light "This is in the most powerful ice cream van ever built, we have elite gunners on all sides, ready to eliminate any opposition and can call in backup over the radio. Let those Brats Next Door try to steal our cake, they'll get their butts kicked so hard that their school chairs will feel sore."

"Well, that is true … AAARGH!" Johnny jumped in the seat when something large and colorful suddenly appeared right in front of the window. He frantically shouldered the bazooka, not noticing that it was pointed the wrong way.

"Relax, John. It's just a dumb kid with some balloons!" Big Jim pointed down to a chubby kid in a large duster coat, who was walking in the pedestrian crossing in front of them with a large cluster of colorful balloons hovering over his head.

"Why is he walking around out here with all those balloons?" Johnny whined. "Jim, I smell a rat. It could be a Kids Next Door ambush."

"Well, then we should let them know we're coming!" Big Jim rumbled and honked the horn hard. The boy gave a jump at the sound and lost grip of the balloons. Up, up and away towards the blue heaven they floated, while he ran for the safety on the other side of the road. Big Jim roared with laughter, floored the gas pedal and turned around the corner down towards the bridge over the canal.

XXX

Kyle stood frozen to the spot on the sidewalk and waited for the scary car to disappear around the corner, doing his best to calm down his 200 bpm hart. He sooo didn't have nerves for this job … for this whole life of crime in fact. Whenever Eggy's grand plans backfired, they tended to do so spectacularly, and this one could easily bring them in hot water with both the KND organization and Father - and then you really did not have many friends left. As many times before, he wondered why on Earth he and Barry always just went along when Eggy came with a new brilliant plan. He really had to learn to say no at some point.

Of course he really wanted that cake for Ysande as well.

Just thinking about her and how happy that cake would make her made him calmer and warmer inside. Not that there was anything girlfriendly about it, no no no, he just liked hanging out with her, because somehow, whenever they were together, everything felt all right. He leaned back towards the wall, closed his eyes and exhaled softly.

With a jolt Kyle remembered that he was supposed to be down by the canal in ten minutes. He almost got run over twice as he dashed across the street, jumped on his bike and started to paddle frantically towards the meeting point.

XXX

Barry was sitting in the small boat they had "borrowed" from the small yard next to the canal and fitted with the flagpole "kindly donated" by the Supervillains Supermarket and Deli as a mast extender. Even in the calm waves of the canal, the small boat rocked alarmingly from side to side, being more than a little unbalanced with the big mast on top. Still, to Barry this just added to the excitement. What a heist this would be. He could practically taste the cake already. Eggy was truly a genius.

He scanned the sky once again, and gave a small jump when he saw the huge cluster of balloons emerging from between the houses and slowly spreading like flower petals over the unknowing city. That was the signal. Immediately he cranked up the engine and swung around towards the drawbridge a hundred yards away.

XXX

The old bridge-master was sitting in the control room reading his paper. It was a nice, quiet job these days where only a few ships used the canal.

Suddenly the incoming ships alarm started to bleep and he looked up in surprise. There was no boat due until this evening – nothing tall enough to merit an opening, surely. He got to his feet and peered out of the window. At first he could not see anything. But then he noted a small, wooden boat sailing towards the bridge. A boat with a preposterously long mast which could in no way fit under the bridge. And there was some kid sitting in it, signaling frantically that he should open.

Well, rules were rules. He had to open the bridge for all vessels that needed it. With a grumble about stupid kids, he reached over and started the long procedure needed to raise the leaf.

XXX

"What the …" Big Jim exclaimed, as he saw the warning lights in front of them begin to blink. He stopped right in front of the gates that had gone down and closed the bridge. Why the fudge would they need to open the leaf now? He tried to locate the reason, but apart from a tall, white, violently rocking mast he could not see anything above the high edges of the canal. "All right people," he barked into the intercom. "We are going to stand still for a while, so keep a lookout."

The three ice cream gunners cocked their icy guns and scanned the surroundings for any suspicious activity, ready to unleash a barrage of headache-inducing soft-serve at the slightest provocation.

They did not, how ever, notice the cover of the manhole directly under the van starting to move ...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Egbert pushed the manhole cover away silently and reached for the bottom of the truck. Just as planned the concealed trap door, Barry had installed the day before opened, and Egbert quickly slipped into the idling ice cream truck. He crouched on the floor for a moment. Then he concentrated his full attention on the cake before him. It was a true beauty, a mouth-watering masterpiece of bakery.

This was the kind of moments that Egbert lived for. The money and sweets his ingenious plans brought him and his friends were nice, of course, but they were more of a bonus. The true joy was to see his carefully laid out plan play out just as intended, leaving the befuddled victims none the wiser. The fact that the victims in this case were both Father and his Delightful Dorks AND the Kids Next Door, whom Egbert had found annoyingly smug and superior ever since they rejected his application for membership, in one fell swoop … that was outright beautiful.

But he quickly regained his focus. There was no time to waste. Quietly, quietly he picked up the cake, all the time attentive to the backs of the two ice-cream men in front of the truck, one broad and calm, one narrow and fidgeting. The fidgeting one was the worst, he seemed like he could turn and check on the cake any second. Egbert held the cake over his head and slipped down into the manhole under the car. He placed the cake on a ledge, reached up and closed the trap door, then pulled the manhole cover back just as a shudder in the bridge structure informed him that the bridge had closed again. He waited in the darkness with barred breath until he heard the large engine roar over his head and disappear in the distance. Then he smiled, lit his head lamp, picked up the cake and headed towards the meeting spot at the end of the drain system.

"Holy moley, we are just BRILLIANT" Barry exclaimed for the umpteenth time, as the three gang members were making their way uphill from the riverbank, carrying the sweet, sweet fruit of their criminal enterprise. "I am brilliant, and you are brilliant, Kyle, and Eggy, you are just the brilliantest brilliantest kid in the whole world."

"Well, I haven't entirely lost my touch", Egbert said, in a very un-modest way. "Come on, Kyle, we're meeting Harvey in the woods in three minutes time."

"Yes, yes, I am coming", Kyle huffed. He was falling slightly behind, having to carry the cake and all, but he too was exited at the thought of the whipped cream and sponge cake extravaganza he was carrying. He could just picture Ysandes smile, when she saw it. It was so beautiful.

The three happy boys made it to the top of the and continued along a small path into the woods until they saw Harvey McKenzie. The short sandy-haired operative was pacing back and forth beside a large tree stump next to the path in full mission gear, including a large sky-blue colander helmet with the number "363" in front. When he saw the three boys and the cake approaching, he stiffened and stood tense, legs slightly spread, watching their approach.

"He looks like an Easter egg with buck-teeth", Barry whispered with muffled laughter.

"Shut up, Barry", Egbert muttered out of the corner of his mouth as they reached Harvey. "Hey, Harvey!"

"Hey, guys!" Harvey said, relaxing slightly, "I see you got the cake. Did anyone see you?"

"Did anyone see us?" Barry laughed, "Relax, Harvey, it was a CAKEWALK!" He was about to slap Harvey on the shoulder, when Harvey's hand shot out, quick as a striking snake, and caught his wrist. Two steel-hard fingers squeezed and made Barry cry out in pain.

"Don't touch me … ever!" Harvey said, with the kind of voice usually reserved to sentences such as: "You have outlived your usefulness to me."

"ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT", Barry hollered, and Harvey let go of his wrist. "Geez, what's your problem, man?"

"I don't like to be touched. GET IT?"

"He got it, he got it", Egbert interrupted quickly. "Now, let's focus on the matters at hand. Kyle?"

Kyle stepped forward, trying to keep as far away from Harvey as possible and gingerly placed the cake on the wooden stump. Here under the open sky, it seemed even more magnificent with its layers upon layers of sponge cake covered with light blue frosting.

Kyle pulled a large carving knife from one of his pockets and handed it to Egbert, who then handed it to Harvey. Harvey stepped over to the cake, knife in hand, ready to carve … and then suddenly bent down and slammed a red button on his left boot.

With a hissing sound Harvey rose 2 inches over the groundas flexible rubber skirts appeared under his boots, turning them into miniature hovercrafts. He dropped the knife, grabbed the cake and flew away down the path at high speed, shouting "SUCKERS!".

All three members of the O'Reilly gang stood dumbstruck and stared after Harvey. Then the three gang-members sprinted down the path after him, Egbert first, red-faced and screaming incoherent curses at the treacherous operative. Harvey disappeared behind a boulder and the gang increased the pace, made it around the boulder, where Egbert stopped so suddenly, that Barry and Kyle bowled him over and the three boys fell down on the ground, where they were hidden in the tall grass as they stared down on the scene in front of them.

They had emerged from the woods and were looking down a slope that fell down to a road, where the huge ice cream truck was lying on its side, completely engulfed in a net that had seemingly risen from the road itself. Several KND operatives, most of them toting impressive-looking2x4 weaponry, were standing around it, looking confused at the cake-less room in the back of the truck.

And 100 yards away was Harvey McKenzie on his hoverboots, swooping down the slope towards his fellow operatives with the Delightful Childrens cake.

"I GOT THE CAKE" Harvey hollered, "THE ICE CREAM MEN TRIED TO SMUGGLE IT THROUGH THE WOODS! I GOT THE CAKE!"

Egbert, Barry and Kyle was staring down at the scene in front of them as Harvey made it all the way to the crowd of operatives who surrounded him, and while they were eager to congratulate him, obviously knew him well enough to NOT slap him on the back.

"But – but – that was our cake…" Kyle said, in a thin, strangled voice.

"That little thieving creep!" Barry hissed.

Egbert jumped up and started to stomp furiously down the slope. But he had only walked four steps, before Barry caught up with him and seized him from behind.

"Let – me – go!" Egbert raged and tried to break free from Barry. "That – CHEATER! That – SCUMBAG! I'll .."

"What are you going to do, Eggy?" Barry hissed. "Tell them to hand over the cake, because we stole it first? That'll go over well."

Egbert's struggling became gradually less frantic, as Barry's words sank in. Finally he slumped down and allowed Barry to lead him and Kyle, who was trying his bravest not to sob, back to the path and away through the woods.


	4. Chapter 4 - A new plan

Here's chapter four, picking up about an hour after chapter three ended. As said before all feedback is welcome, both on the story, the language and the layout. Special thanks to you, my anonymous reviewer, wherever you are

xxx

Chapter 4

xxx

"Cheer up, guys", Barry said, not for the first time that afternoon.

The mood was glum in the O'Reilly gang's lair, also known as the shed in the back of Eggy's parent's rather overgrown garden. It was a cozy, medium-sized, sparingly red-painted shed, with room for 3 chairs, a table, an old mattress, a videogame poster, a pile of Yipper comics, a workbench – and a number of hiding places for soda, disguises, a printing press for fake collectible cards and various other tools for larceny.

Even the frothing bottles of soda on the table could raise the spirit of the gang. Kyle was muttering in a choked voice to no one in particular about "..need a cake …", "what are we going to do" and " …l promised Ysande…" and Egbert was staring at his soda with a blank expression and had not uttered a single word, since the loss of the cake. So it was left to Barry to point out the – admittedly meager – silver lining of the situation.

"So, we lost that cake, and that blows, but we still have the entire afternoon to find another. Here's a thought: Mrs. Van Dusen is done baking at three. Let's put on the Skunky Scout uniforms and do the classic one, Kyle and me at the front door and Eggy through the kitchen window. Piece of cake"

That at least caught Kyle's attention: "But…but that's an apple pie, not a real cake"

"Yes, but it's GOOD, Kyle. That's all that matters. Ysande won't mind as long as it's GOOD, will she ?"

"Well…I guess not.." Kyle said slowly.

"Right, let's get to work then. You and I distract the Van Dusen broad, and Eggy …"

Barry broke off. Eggy was gone. His chair was empty and his soda was standing untouched on the table.

Barry and Kyle looked out of the window, just in time to see Eggy jump on his bike and disappear around the corner of the house.

"Wh-where is he going?" Kyle asked in a wobbly voice.

"I don't know," Barry said, puzzled. It was not like Eggy to miss an opportunity for cake or pie. "Oh, well, never mind him, we only need to be two to get that pie." 

xxx 

Mrs Van Dusen's Saturdays went after a firm schedule. She got up at eight and had breakfast with Mr. Van Dusen, and sent him off for his Saturday golf at nine. Then she drove downtown for shopping and had coffee at the mall. She was home at 12.30 and had lunch, and then started baking one of her famous apple pies. That took 45 minutes all in all, then 30 minutes in the oven, and 30 minutes cooling in front of the open kitchen window.

But this Saturday, the doorbell rang, just as she had placed the hot pie on the kitchen table. Mrs. Van Dusen was puzzled – her friends were never too early, that would be rude. She went from the kitchen, through the living room and out into the hallway and opened the front door. Outside stood a tall, brown-haired boy in a worn Skunky Scout uniform.

"Good day, ma'am", the boy said with a winning smile. "I come from the Skunky Scouts, and we are selling cookies to finance our jamboree next month. "

"I don't see any cookies", Mrs. Van Dusen observed.

"Well spotted, ma'am. That is our new modern approach to cookie selling – you won't find it with any other scouts. Here," the boy pulled out a stack of papers from his breast pocket, "is a list of our available cookies, you just mark your order and pay and two days later your cookies are delivered. Skunky Scout honor. Now, we have a new and improved selection …"

Kyle slowly and laboriously eased his upper body through Mrs. Van Dusen's kitchen window . Although he knew he had plenty of time – Barry was a 10th level motor-mouth, and a black belt blatherer – his heart was racing and his mouth was dry. This breaking and entering stuff was normally Eggy's job, Kyle neither had the nerves nor the build for this kind of thing.

The pie was standing on the kichen table in fromt of him, looking monstrously delicious. The entire kitchen smelled mouth-waterin gly good. Kyle rose up on tiptoes and stretched his arms forward. Almost there. He leaned forward, squeezing more of his bulk through the narrow opening, cursing the lack of foresight that had made him keep is duster on. He grabbed the pie with both hands. Made it. With a small sigh he started to move backwards. And that was when he realized that he was stuck. Some part of his coat was lodged tight somewhere around the window frame. Fighting a rising panic, he slowly let go of the pie with his right hand, reached back and started fumbling around to try and pry his coat loose.

Mrs. Van Dusen's old cat, Mittens, slunk glumly under her Mommy's meticulously cut hedges and dabbed towards her back door. She had been prowling the gardens of the neighborhood since lunchtime, with the aim to practice the traditional catly art of capturing and tormenting small, cuddly animals, but so far without success. Mittens' eyesight had, regrettably, deteriorated quite a bit lately. In her latest attempt to pounce, she had been so close, and then she had misjudged the leap and soared straight past the bird and into a pond, reducing her to her current soggy state. How the bird had laughed.

The day couldn't possibly get any worse, she thought, glumly. But then she saw something that immediately made her forget her disastrous hunting trip. There up by the kitchen window, a large pink bird was flapping frantically around, next to some dark piece of cloth, obviously stuck. Mittens'ancient hunting instincts took over, she sprinted across the last few yards of lawn and leaped towards the bird, claws first.

"Meeoow…"

"AAAAARRRGGGH!" Kyle gave a tremendous jolt at the sudden intense pain in his hand. The pie flew through the air…

"NOOOOO"

Crash!

"What was that?" said Mrs Van Dusen.

"What? Oh, probably nothing," the scout said. "So, how many cakes can I write you down for?"

But Mrs. Van Dusen was already on her way back through her living room, calling "Is anybody out there?". She entered her kitchen and froze at the horrible sight that greeted her.

Mittens was sitting dazed on the kitchen floor, trying to understand what had happened. She remembered sinking her claws into the bird, then there had been a scream and a lot of frantic movement and suddenly the bird had turned into a large red-faced boy with a panicked expression. Then there had been the sound of her Mommy's voice from far away and the boy had frantically picked her up and hurled her through the open window, where she had tumbled across the kitchen table, fallen down on the floor and landed in something hot, soft and sticky – not on her feet, to add insult to now her Mommy was standing in front of her, sounding angry.

"Mittens! You BAD CAT!"

Mittens still didn't know what had happened, but she knew that she had been wrong a minute ago when she thought that her day could not get any worse. 

xxxxx 

"Now", Barry said as he poured the bright yellow liquid on a piece of medical cotton. "This might sting a bit."

Among the utilities hidden in The O'Reilly gang's lair was a medical kit. The gang had quickly learned that scrapes and scars and boo-boos gained in the course of larceny tended to lead to awkward questions with less than convenient answers, so to keep fibbing to a minimum, they preferred to treat each other in the privacy of their lair. And right now, Kyle's cat-mangled right hand was on the table.

Kyle didn't wince as Barry disinfected the scratches Mittens had left on his right hand. But then again, he already looked so pained, that the additional burning from the iodine probably didn't register.

"It was a clever move, throwing the cat through the window", Barry said. When that piece of praise did not seem to cheer Kyle up, Barry decided that there was no sugar coating this one.

"Look, maybe you're just going to have to do a birthday party without a cake? "

Now Kyle winched.

"Come on, can't you just say to Ysande that we did our best, and hand her a soda?"

"You don't know anything about girlfriends, Barry," Kyle whined. "I have already promised Ysande a cake. If I don't get her a cake now, then she becomes" he lowered his voice to a whisper, "…frustrated."

"Holy cow," Barry muttered. He did not know what "frustrated" meant, but the terror in Kyle's voice made the small hairs on the back stand on end. In his mind he swore an oath to never have a girlfriend, ever. Or, if he couldn't avoid it at least a more reasonable one than Ysande. "So, what do we do, then?"

"I'll tell you what we'll do!"

Barry and Kyle's heads snapped around. Egbert was back! He was standing in the door, cheeks flushed after his bike ride, a fresh match in his mouth, eyes shining with steely determination.

"Holy cow – Eggy," Barry said, "Where have you been?"

"Out asking around and finding out what's going on" Egbert said as he rushed into the shed and threw his bag on the table. "The Kids Next Door gets really talkative, when things are going their way. Right now Harvey and his sector are guarding the Delightful Children's cake in their tree house, until it can be taken to the Moon Base and shared tomorrow. But that won't happen, 'cause we're going to take it back tonight!"

"No! No way!" Kyle exclaimed.

"What did you say!?"

"I … I won't do it, Eggy," Kyle's voice went falsetto, "A Kids Next Door tree house…. It's too dangerous! It was bad enough with the ice cream men. I won't! You can't make me do it!"

"Yeah, Eggy, I have to be with Kyle on this one," Barry said, even he a tad nervous, "Can't we just get an ordinary cake somewhere else?"

"CAKE!?" Egbert banged both his fists on the table and stared at them with eyes that looked like the muzzle of a double-barreled shotgun. "This is not about some cruddy cake anymore! This is about REVENGE! REVENGE and HONOR and SELF-RESPECT ! That dirty rat Harvey McKenzie thinks that we're just some gnats that he can use and throw away like a piece of gum wrapper – that he can step on us with his stupid 2x4 shoes and take our cake and get away with it, because he is one of the oh-so-heroic Kids Next Door and Egbert O'Reilly is a cheap Elementary school hustler. But I will show him! WE will show him! Oh, yeah! We're gonna snatch that cake from RIGHT UNDER HIS BIG BUCK TEETH! TONIGHT! Unless YOU want to tell Ysande that there won't be a cake at the birthday party because YOU are a couple of Coward McPants-wetters!"

The thought of having to tell Ysande that he could not get any cake and the following frustration clearly scared Kyle even more than anything the Kids Next Door could possibly do to him. "All right, all right, I'll do it," he whined.

"Yeah, Eggy – you can count on us, you know that", Barry said in a reassuring voice.

"Good! Now come and have a look at this."

Egbert pulled a paper roll from his backpack, and rolled it out on the table.

"This is a map of Sector W's treehouse. The cake is kept here," he placed his finger on a large room in the corner, "in the control room, in a locked cage, equipped with a 2x4 alarm system with a direct line to all the other sectors in the area. Harvey, Sonya and Lee will be staying in the room guarding the cake all night. The control room is completely locked down, with steel shutters for all the windows. The only access is through the main corridor - here, " he traced his finger along the corridor, "which is protected by a Sooper 2x4 Alarm System and Automated defense mechanism, that's triggered if a hamster as much as sneezes in the hallway. It's completely impossible to get in – but I've got a plan! We'll need one issue of "Ultimate Blood-freezing Horror Magazine", a mobile vending stand, a broken light bulb, two scary Halloween masks, a can of whipped cream, a crowbar and thirty feet of rope. Let's go to work."


	5. Chapter 5-The O'Reilly Gang Strikes Back

_"The first obstacle is Harvey himself", Egbert said, "The cake is his big price, his one shot at getting back in favor with the top KND brass, so he won't let it out of his sight for a moment. We need to neutralize him, and for that we need "Ultra-blood freezing horror magazine"._

The evening sun was bathing Sector W's treehouse in a warm, red glow. It was not one of the KND organizations larger treehouses, but it was impressive enough – two fortified floors storing dominated by the large circular control room in the corner of the structure, a balcony spanning the house at first floor height, and a large steel door

The place was clearly under lockdown – all the window s of the control room was barred with steel shudders and over the main door to the house a big red "NO ENTRY (AT ALL)" sign was flashing on and off.

Barry was skipping up to the KND mailbox next to the door, a large brown envelope in his hand. He dropped it into the slit and hurried back down the pad and around the edge of the fence that surrounded the ground, where Egbert and Kyle were currently wrestling to get a 2 liter can of whipped cream into one of Kyles coat pockets.

"You HAD to get the biggest one in the shop", Egbert hissed.

"It was on sale," Kyle whined.

"You remember to get the mag back, right?" Barry asked, as he started taking off his shirt, "My brother gets a fit if I lose it."

"We'll remember, all right", Egbert said, as he finally got the can in with only a slight ripping sound. "Just get in the costume."

XXX

Harvey McKenzie was sitting in the sofa of Sector W's command room, feeling extremely pleased with himself. The cake was standing in front of him on a piedestal, behind a locked cage equipped with a flashing KND ALARM (Anti Larceny Alarming Racket Mechanism). The more he looked at it, the more delicious it looked. He lost himself in a daydream, where he presented the Delightful Childrens cake to the Soopreme Leader in the great hall on the Moonbase in front of the entire KND. She slapped him on the shoulder, said she had been wrong about him, and asked him to resume command over Sector W … pretty please. Behind her his sister was smiling warmly at him. The dream had been all the sweeter for the knowledge that it would all come true tomorrow.

"Hey, Numbuh 363"

Numbuh 83's voice woke Harvey from the dream with a start.

"There was something for you in the mailbox", she said, and held forward a large brown envelope with the name "McKenzie" written in pencil.

Puzzled, Harvey took the envelope and opened it with a finger.

A large glossy magazine slipped out. A horrifyingly deformed rat/spider zombie glared up at him from the front page, under blood-red worm-shaped letters.

Harvey's heart skipped a beat. It was an issue of "Ultimate Blood-freezing Horror Magazine". Over a hundred pages of zombies, vampires, monsters and giant spiders lovingly drawn in every gory detail. It was absolutely forbidden to read for ANYONE under thirteen, and therefore the secret desire of 99 % of all little boys. He had never seen more than a few pages, ultra-quickly skimmed on the stand while the comic book vendor looked the other way.

Feeling like he was about to enter a new phase of his boyhood, Numbuh 363 picked up the magazinesettled down in the sofa and was just about to open it, when he noticed Numbuh 84 was peeking over his shoulder.

"Hey", Numbuh 363 snatched the magazine away. "It's MY magazine. And you'll just get scared and run home to mommy if you take a peek!"

"Come on, Numbuh 363, that's not fair", numbuh 83 protested a little nervously. "Lee can borrow it when you're finished, right?"

"'s cool" Numbuh 84 said. He slouched over to the door, pressed the "ALARM off" button, muttered something about "inspection round" and disappeared out the door.

XXX

_"The next obstacle is to get into the treehouse. The door is solid steel, locked and barred and behind it is a hallway with a motion-triggered alarm that goes off if a hamster as much as drops a hair. It is completely impossible to get in unnoticed – how ever: Numbuh 83, Lee, can't stand being in the same room as Harvey for longer periods of time, so sooner or later he will do an inspection round to get away from him – and that's our chance." _

Barry was peeking around the corner, keeping a watchful eye on the balcony of the treehouse. He was wearing a fake beard, blue pants, red and white striped shirt and a boater hat. A big banner now hung from the side of the vending stand next to him, reading

VINTAGE AND SPECIALTY YO-YO'S

The moment the characteristic form of Numbuh 84 appeared on the balcony, Barry started to wheel it down the street, in wiew of the treehouse

"ALL IN YO-YO'S", Barry yelled, "YO-YO'S R' US. FOR FUN, SPORT AND COMBAT. BEST QUALITY. VERY CHEAP."

Lee disappeared from the balcony, and Barry adjusted his steps, so he was still in plain view of the treehouse as Numbuh 84 emerged from the entrance and started running towards him. A moment after, Barry saw Eggy and Kyle emerging from the bush, where they had been hiding, and disappearing into the treehouse. Barrys smile widened under the beard.

"Hi there, sir" he greeted Lee, "You want to buy a yo-yo? Anything in particular you fancy? … A Boomerang Bomber? Let me see …"

XXX

_"At some point Numbuh 83, Sonia, will go down to see what's keeping Lee away for so long. We'll need to distract her, and fortunately she has a weakness, that we can exploit …"_

"Here" Egbert whispered to Kyle, when they reached a certain point in the hallway of the treehouse. "The broken lightbulb, quickly".

Kyle pulled the broken lightbulb from a pocket in his overcoat and handed it to Egbert, then squatted down and helped Egbert climb up on his shoulders, so he could reach the lamp in the ceiling. Egbert quickly remobed the bulb in the lamp, then replaced it the bulb in the lamp with the broken one, leaving the a part of the hallway in semi-darkness. He jumped down and the two boys quickly hid behind the corner.

XXX

"Numbuh 84 sure is taking a lot of time getting back", Numbuh 83, said.

"Uh-huh" Harvey said, not at all listening. Toxic vapours were seeping over the old graveyard, tunneling their way down to the rotten corpses beneath….

"I'll go out and check on him. Can you watch the cake alone for a moment?"

"Uh-huh"! Rotten bones of rats and men started slowly to creep towards each other .

Numbuh 83 sighed and left the control room.

XXX

"No, I am sorry, no Boomerang Bombers, sir", Barry said "How about a Winning Whizz-bang? No, wait, sorry, sold the last one two hours ago. How about a …"

XXX

The blonde, pig-tailed Leader of Sector W was not in a good mood as she was walking down the hallway. She felt like she spent all her time doing stuff like this, mending rifts between Numbuh 84 and Numbuh 363. Things went OK on the missions, but as soon as they had downtime the bickering started, well Harvey bickered, anyway. Lee just got even more silent than usual. The general mood in Sector W had gotten so bad that the sectors fourth member, the carrot-topped freak-show, Numbuh 87, had asked to be transferred to his dreaded big sister's Decommissioning squad. And now this with them guarding the cake all night. It would have been much safer to have the cake transferred to Moonbase immediately, but Harvey had insisted that only he and his sector could guard the cake properly. She didn't like it – at all.

Suddenly Sonia stiffened. Right in front of her, the hallway lay in darkness where it bend around a corner. Her nervousness gave place for anger, how many times had she told Lee and Harvey that all broken light bulbs were to be replaced ASA-NOW. She turned around and walked over to the well-lid stair that led to the attic light-bulb storage room and went up for a replacement bulb.

As soon as she had disappeared Egbert and Kyle scurried down the hallway towards the control room.

XXX

" … Yes, we have one of those, sir. I'll get it … no. wait. That was the one where the string went bad, so I had to toss it out. It came back 74 times, before I succeeded …"

XXX

_"Now we just need to get past Harvey. At this point he'll have read so much "Ultimate horror" that his brain will be totally pants-wettingly psyked up, and can be easily put out of the game . Here we use the scary Halloween masks" _

The giant rat-faced ghost zombie jumped straight at him in an inferno of red eyes, yellow saliva, rotten meat and razor-sharp teeth.

Numbuh 363's mouth was dry, his hands were shaking and his heart rate was pushing the impossible. Every page had hit him like a punch in the gut, followed by a bucket of ice water down the spine

He should stop reading, he knew, but then how would he know if the rat-zombies were ever defeated and would not come … HERE.

"WOOORRAAAGGGHHH"

Harvey flew out of the sofa with a scream. Two ENORMOUS monsters with HORRIBLY deformed faces suddenly bolted out of the doorway straight at him, grasping arms outstretched, fangy mouths ready to kill … For a fraction of a second Harvey stood paralyzed, then his eyes rolled back in their sockets, and he fell to the floor like a small bag of potatoes.

"Is he … dead", Kyle murmured behind his Halloween mask.

"We should be so lucky," Egbert said behind his. "He'll probably wake up in a few minutes, so we don't have much time. "

_"We short-circuit the ALARM by filling it with whipped cream, open the cage with the crowbar, grab the cake, wrench open a shutter and climb out with the cake, grabbing Barry's brother's magazine on the way. Barry gets rid of Lee and meets us later, and then we keep a low profile until after the birthday party tomorrow. Piece of cake."_

XXX

Barry's heart skipped a beat as he over Lee's head saw Eggy and Kyle appear from behind the treehouse carrying the cake. "You might try the Swinging Sensation, sir. The number one choice for combat, light, yet hard-hitting – I'll see if I have one in stock." Behind Lee, Kyle and Eggy were running towards the corner. Barry made a big show of rummaging through the vending stand. "No, I'm afraid I don't. In fact …" Eggy, Kyle and the cake disappeared around the corner. "In fact I don't have any yo-yo's sir, I'm afraid I was completely wasting your time. I'm very sorry about that. Have a good night." Barry slammed the vending stand shut, and started pushing it briskly down the road, in the direction Eggy and Kyle had went.

Lee stood dumbstruck and stared after him.

"Not cool", he muttered, turned around and started to walk back towards the treehouse.

XXX

Harvey woke up and jumped up from the floor, instantly in a combat pose – the monsters, he looked around frantically, where were the monsters?

Then his eyes fell on the rope, on the broken ALARM still dripping whipped cream and on the cage, that had once contained his cake - and now was as empty and broken as his hopes.

Something inside HarveyMcKenzie, that had longed been stretched to the breaking point, finally burst. His mouth started twitching. His hands started shaking. A strange gurgling snarl emerged from his throat. He ripped his sweatshirt over his head and threw it on the floor, and ran, naked to the waist over to the weapons cabinet, where he grabbed two GUMZOOKAS, two ammo belts and a bottle of ketchup.

"Steal my cake, eh?", he muttered, "I'll show him", before jumping out the window, sliding down the rope and disappearing into the gathering dusk.

XXX

"Holy cow-moley, we're brilliant!" Barry sang as the three gang-members were running away from the tree-house, the cake now safely hidden in the vending stand . "I am brilliant, and you're brilliant, Kyle, and Eggy – you're the brilliantest brilliant kid in the whole world."

"Well, I know some tricks," Eggy said, with faux modesty. "Now, we just run home and lie low, and tomorrow there's cake for all."

The three jubilant kids rounded a corner … and stopped as frozen to the spot.

A big black car was parked at the curb. Casually leaned against it, arms crossed, was a horrifying black silhouette, a terrible fire burning in its eyes.

"I believe that is MY cake you've got in there!" Father said.

"Crud" Egbert breathed, as three ice-cream men seized them from behind, and threw them inside the back of the car with a fair degree of unnecessary roughness.


	6. Chapter 6 - Return of the nutjob

_WHEW - last chapter. Considering how much has happened in my life since I started this, it's pretty amazing that it got finished. So without further ado (except to point out that all reviews are of course received with gratitude) : here it is - the exciting conclusion of THE GREAT CAKE HEIST._

**_-Chapter 6 – Return of the Nutjob-_**

"Lemme see if I get this straight!" Numbuh 86 said, her scowling gaze magnified to horrifying proportions on the big communications screen in Sector W's treehouse. "Not only have you idiots lost the cake, you've also let that numb-skull, loose cannon Numbuh 363 run wild - AGAIN?"

"No, Numbuh 86, ma'am, whoever took the cake must have captured him too," Numbuh 83 said, trying her best to sound like she was still in control of the situation, an extremely difficult task when dealing with Numbuh 86, even at the best of times. "Look, his shirt was torn off in the struggle." She held up Numbuh 363's torn, ketchup-stained sweatshirt, the only trace of their comrade the remaining members of Sector W had found.

"At least he is out of our hair for a while. Stand by in the treehouse, I'm coming down there with a search and rescue party."

XXX

"So," Father said amiably, "are we comfortable"?

The tree members of the gang had been roughly tied to their chairs at one end of a long birthday-decorated table in the dining hall of Father's mansion, and were now helpless and alone with the most evil adult in existence.

But given the circumstances – well, it could be worse.

Soon it most probably would be.

"I guess a THANK YOU is in order", Father continued. "There I was, WONDERING how to get my CAKE back from those Kids Next Door BRATS - when all of a sudden I see YOU sneaking out of the treehouse with it. That was an IMPRESSIVE heist you pulled there – I could USE enterprising children like you."

"Really?" Egbert brightened. Could this really be about a job offer, instead of some kind of horrible punishment?

"Sure", Father said, flaring up. "As an EXAMPLE to other THIEVING little BRATS!"

Oh, right, horrible punishment it was then. Crud.

"Now you tree get a GOOD nights SLEEP, and tomorrow I've got some PARTY GAMES planned. Mwahahaha … Hey, hey HEY. There's a STAIN on that fork"

Father went over to fuss over the table settings, leaving the three kids to contemplate their future.

"I don't like the sound of that at all," Barry muttered. "He's probably going to use us as a piñata or something"

"Kyle. They didn't search us", Egbert whispered to Kyle, who was sitting to his right. "You still have a pocket knife, right?"

Kyle did not answer. He was pale and sweating and his eyes behind the thick glasses were fixed on some distant point.

"Kyle – I know it is scary, but we need you now. Wake up."

No reply.

"Kyle! Snap out of it," Egbert hissed, and tried to kick Kyles leg. No use, he was too constricted. And no reply from Kyle, no indication that he had even heard him.

"Dang it" Egbert muttered.

"So, Eggy," Barry whispered, "Do you have a plan?"

"Of course I have a plan, but we need to get free first. Have a little patience …"

"PATIENCE" Kyle suddenly roared with a voice that made everybody in the room, including Father, jump. "YOU BLOCKHEAD! GET US OUT OF HERE NOW! I JUST WANTED A CAKE FOR YSANDE AND THEN YOU CAME WITH YOUR PLANS AND YOUR REVENGE AND ALL THAT BALONEY! YOU USELESS WASTE OF SPACE…"

Barry and Egbert were dumbstruck. They had never heard Kyle as much as raise his voice before, and now he had lapsed out of his coma with a tirade that would impress the angriest man in Angryland.

"Hey, hey, hey – KEEP the NOISE down," Father said, rushing towards them "My Delightful Children are SLEEPING."

"LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOU OR YOUR LITTLE, DEMENTED ATTACK OF THE CLONES!" Kyle roared, rocking back and forth with anger on his chair. "YOU JUST STRUT AROUND EATING CAKE ALL OVER THE PLACE AND DON'T CARE ONE BIT ABOUT ALL THOSE CHILDREN WHO NEVER GET A DECENT CAKE FOR THEIR GIRLFRIENDS! I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON IT UNTIL YOU'RE SORRY! YOU BIG WALKING MATCHSTICK! YOU OWERGROWN FIRECRACKER! YOU GREAT BIG BULLYING JERKASS! "

"Stop it, you idiot, you'll get us all killed!" Egbert yelled, a sensible piece of advice that Kyle did not even hear.

"YOU RAT-FACE! YOU SQUID-SUCKER! YOU BROCCOLI-EATING BEDWETTER! YOU…"

"ENOUGH!"

Father's roar shut Kyle right up. He seized Kyle by the scruff, his flames easily burning through the ropes that held him and lifted him up so they were face-to-face. "YOU NEED TO LEARN some MANNERS. I'll …." And then the big bottle of whipped cream in Kyle's pocket, overheated by Father's flames, blew up, sending a huge white cloud straight into Father's face. Father dropped Kyle, stumbled back and tripped over his legs. He hit his head on the edge of the table on the way down, said something about "Asparagus, my Master" and passed out on the floor.

Kyle slowly got to his feet and looked around, bewildered. Eggy and Barry just stared at him, as he slowly walked over and loosened their bands. Then, without a word, Kyle grabbed the cake on the table and the three kids quickly headed out the room.

The O'Reilly gang ran through the long, thicly carpeted hallways of Father's mansion, their hearts in their throats with the thought about running into ice-cream men or the Delightful Children. However, neither threat appeared and finally they came out to the big entrance hall. Their pace quickened as they moved towards the front door…

… which was suddenly kicked open with a tremendous CRASH!

Harvey McKenzie was standing in the doorway. He looked completely out to lunch. He was naked from the waist up, except for his helmet and two ammo belts, he had painted his face and chest with ketchup, his pants were torn and stained and he was trembling and breathing heavily.

He also had a GUMZOOKA in each hand!

"I KNEW IT!" Harvey screamed. "YOU SCUM! YOU'VE BEEN WORKING WITH FATHER ALL ALONG!"

"Harvey, you got the wrong idea …" Egbert said carefully and raised his palms towards him.

Only because Harvey's hands shook did the GUMZOOKA salvo hit the wall instead of Egbert's face.

"RUN!" Egbert screamed, and the three kids sprinted down a hallway to the right, followed by the screaming and shooting Harvey. They ripped open a random door, threw themselves into the room and slammed it behind them, a nanosecond before Harvey started hammering and kicking at the door with the strength of the pants-eating crazy.

"What the crud are we gonna do, Eggy?" Barry asked, as the three boys were stemming their backs against the shaking door. "Father can wake up at any moment, and then the fudge will really hit the fan".

Eggy was just about to answer, when he realized where they were. In Father's garage. 8 feet from his big black car.

"Barry, can you drive stick?"

XXX

A final kick from Harvey made the door fly open. Harvey catapulted himself through the doorframe and landed on his feet, GUMZOOKA ready.

"HEEEEERE'S HARVEY" he screamed.

Then he saw the big black limo starting to accelerate towards the open gate. "No…no…NOOOO!" he wailed, dropped the GUMZOOKAs and sprinted after the car.

"Did we lose him?" Kyle asked from the back seat where he was sitting next to the cake, both properly buckled up. Then he screamed as the back window exploded and Harvey's deranged face appeared.

"Back at school there are RULES!" he snarled "But in here there's only ME!"

"HIT THE BRAKES!" Egbert screamed to Barry, and Barry jumped onto clutch and brake with both feet. The big car screeched to a halt. Barry, Kyle and Egbert were held in their seats by their belts, but Harvey flew forward, hit the front seat with 20 mph and fell down in the bottom of the car, unconcious.

"And THAT" Eggy said in the sudden silence, "is why you should always wear a seat belt!"

Then a fireball struck the tarmac right next to the car. Barry automatically jumped to the speeder and the big car roared forward with three screaming kids inside, down the driveway. Eggy looked in the rear mirror and instantly regretted it. A giant black dragon with Fathers eyes were flying towards them, getting ready to hurl another firebolt.

"Give me back my CAKE!" Father's voice thundered.

The car smashed through the gates and screeched down the road.

Later, the O'Reilly gang would only remember the following chase as a distant nightmare. They were thundering up and down nameless unknown dimly lit roads at insane pace. Sometimes Barry was driving the car, and sometimes the big, black limo would more or less drive itself, only governed by the laws of physics. Walls, other cars and turns in the road would suddenly appear and be narrowly avoided. And all the time the hideous black silhouette behind them were roaring and raining fireball after fireball.

The chase didn't end until suddenly the bridge over the canal appeared in front of them.

And then the warning lights started flashing, and the barriers started lowering.

"They're gonna raise it! What now? What now?" Barry cried. He kept the speed up, not daring to slow down with Father right behind them.

"Keep going", Eggy shouted, "We can make it!"

The car smashed through the barrier...

"We can make it!"

The bridge started to rise in front of them...

"We can make it!"

It was rising FAST...

"STOOOP!" Eggy screamed.

Barry stomped on the brakes. The big black limo screeached over the tarmac, closer and closer to the rapidly growing gap in the road and the dropdown into the canal. All three boys screamed, closed their eyes and braced themselves. The front wheels slid over the edge, and the bottom of the car hit the tarmac with a CRUNCH.

And the car stopped, balanced on the edge of the abyss.

"I HAVE YOU NOW!" Father boomed triumphantly and bored down on the limo.

Then something whistled straight past his face and made him pause in the air. "What?"

The next salvo of ice-cream grazed his cheek and mouth.

"Arrgh! COOKIE DOUGH!" he cried. "That is SICK AND WRONG! I'LL …"

And then a direct hit with five 100 pound rum-raisin grenades quenched his fire instantly and send him spinning away into the darkness.

xxx

The O'Reilly gang slowly opened their eyes. Eggy leaned forward to see how close they were to the edge - and felt the car tilting slightly forward. He quickly moved back. "All …right" he said softly, as if heavier tones could make the car slip. "Now Barry and I … climb to the back seat … one at the time… and then we all four get out…SLOWLY".

The three boys undid their seat belts, each holding the buckle until it had rolled all the way back. Eggy got up very slowly, leaned back and poked the still unconscious Harvey McKenzie, whose body was still crumbled on the floor and blocked his way. "Harvey … Harvey … you need to move".

Harvey woke up with a start "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

They all felt the lurch. The car slowly started sliding forward….

"OUT!" Eggy screamed, and the four boys frantically threw themselves towards the back doors any way they could. They got out, landed on the tarmac and clattered away from the yawning abyss. Then they rolled over and looked after the car.

For a short moment the car seemed to hover in the air, the top of the Delightful Children's cake just visible through the broken rear window. Then it fell. And two heartbeats later came the sound of a large expensive car containing a really, really delicious cake hitting the dirty water of the canal.

The gang and Harvey slowly got to their feet. Harvey was breathing in shallow gasps, muttering "No … no .." Egbert had tears in his eyes.

"NUMBUH 363", a harsh voice shouted.

All four kids stiffened and turned around slowly. They knew that voice. It meant trouble.

Three large KND S.C.A.M.P.E.R.S had landed on the bridge behind them and well armed KND operatives were busy securing the area. In the door to the front line stood Fanny Fullbright – the most feared kid at Gallagher. She started walking hastily towards them, looking even more angry than usual.

"Do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused, you stupid BOY? You lost the cake, you bailed on your teammates and then you got Father all riled up, so we had to pull out all resources to save your sorry, pale butt – the Soopreme Leader is furious, and SO AM I! Do you have anything to say for yourself, you frigging idiot? "

Harvey's lips trembled. He got five extra facial tics, and his eyes got a glazed look.

"But …", he muttered in a choked voice, "it was Egbert…"

Then Egbert suddenly let out a loud, joyous holler.

"Look" he cried "It's the Kids Next Door! We are saved! GROUP HUG!"

And then he threw his arms around Harvey.

Harvey went completely rigid in Egbert's arms. There was a collective intake of breath around them. Then came the explosion. With an inhuman scream Harvey threw Eggy away, then jumped on top of him and started to maul him, wailing an incoherent stream of "DON'T TOUCH … YOUR FAULT … CRUDDY … MY CAKE…"

Fanny facepalmed. "Och, this is pathetic. Team 3 – restrain that fruitcake!"

In the end it took four burly operatives to restrain Harvey McKenzie and carry him, red-faced, screaming and crying, into a S.C.A.M.P.E.R.

"He doesn't like to be touched, you idiot!" Fanny scolded Eggy.

"Sorry, I … I forgot" Eggy said sheepishly, rubbing a bump on his forehead.

"Och, don't worry about it," Fanny said, sending a dark look towards the S.C.A.M.P.E.R that contained Harvey. "I've got a feeling that tomorrow he won't remember a thing. Now, what are YOU THREE doing here? "

**F**ortunately a long life of crime had left the O'Reilly gang masters of collective fibbing. They managed to tell their story about how Father had kidnapped them to have an envious audience for his Delightful Children's birthday, how Harvey had disrupted the situation, and how they had managed to escape with the cake in the confusion.

"And that's all? You look like you took quite a trashing!" Fanny said, scowling at Kyle's torn and burned coat.

"Well," Eggy said, "He called Father a broccoli-eating bedwetter."

"Yeh DID?"

Kyle gave a quick nod.

"Har!" Fannys angry scowl was replaced by an amused and slightly acknowledging look. "Well, there's more to you guys than meets the eye, Ah'll say." She turned to her operatives and waved an arm in the air. " ALL RIGHT, LET'S WRAP IT UP – THE CAKE'S LOST ANYWAY".

Quickly and efficiently the operatives left their posts and ran into the S.C.A.M.P.E.R s.

Fanny went up the ramp last. When she reached the top of the ramp she looked back at the gang, mouthed "broccoli-eating bedwetter"? and shook her head. The S.C.A.M.P.E.R.s took off with a tremendous roar. Egbert, Barry and Kyle stood and watched as the three vehicles quickly became nothing more than three more stars in the night sky. Then they started their walk home.

"She is kinda cute", Barry said suddenly.

Egbert and Kyle slowly turned their heads and looked at him.

" … in a shouty, bossy kind of way," he elaborated vaguely.

"Well, yeah, I guess so," Egbert said. Then he sighed. "Look, guys, I'm sorry the whole thing turned into such a mess."

"Arh, Eggy," Barry said, "don't be. I got to drive a cool car, Kyle got to blow off some steam, and you got your own back on Harvey McKenzie. It was totally worth it, I'll say."

"No, it wasn't", Egbert said. "We did not get a cake for Kyle's birthday."

"Aw, right. Yeah, that is a problem. But we'll still have time tomorrow. You come up with a plan and then we'll have the cake at noon."

"That's all right", Kyle said. He smiled his nervous smile, and looked quickly around. Then, from his remaining coat pocket he pulled a large, slightly squashed piece of cake.

"KYLE!" Barry yelled. "You saved a slice of the cake"

"Yes, I cut it out while we were driving. I had a feeling we might lose the cake, so … yeah."

"Kyle," Egbert said, "You are the brilliantest of all brilliant geniuses in the whole world."

"Oh, well – I haven't lost my touch either," Kyle said modestly.

**-Epilogue-**

Egbert O'Reilly was let out of the Detention wing Monday at 4.30 as usual. He saw, as expected, Barry and Kyle waving at him from the bench, and went straight over to them.

"Good to have you out, Eggy", Barry said and handed Eggy a fresh match.

"Thanks. It's good to be out", Eggy replied, put the match in his mouth and started chewing.

"And … you do have a plan, right?" Kyle said. "We'll need some candy for Ysande's tea party next weekend."

"Well – as a matter of fact, I do have a plan", Eggy said with a smile. "We're gonna need a candle, a piece of Limburger cheese, a cup of coffee and a newspaper. Let's get to work!"


End file.
